Difficult behaviour in young children

Why it happens

Between two and five, children are learning that they are separate people with their own wishes - and discovering that those wishes are often refused. Language lags behind feeling, so frustration comes out physically. Hunger, tiredness, illness and change in routine all shorten the fuse.

Approaches that work

• Catch the good: comment specifically on behaviour you want to see more of.
• Give choices within limits - 'red cup or blue cup', not 'shall we get dressed?'.
• Warn about transitions a few minutes before they happen.
• Ignore attention-seeking behaviour that is safe, and re-engage the moment it stops.
• Keep consequences short, immediate and followed by repair rather than a long telling-off.
• Look after your own regulation first - a calm adult is the intervention.

When behaviour signals something else

Persistent meltdowns triggered by noise, texture or change, very limited pretend play, loss of skills, no interest in other children, or speech that is not developing can all point to an underlying developmental difference rather than a behavioural phase. Early assessment is helpful, not alarming - support works best when it starts young.